Family Church

A Million Little Miracles

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‘You’ve got a mass on your brain!’ Those were the words the doctor spoke to me after several weeks of feeling progressively worse and worse. Sickness and extreme headaches had led to several bedridden days; unable to move for fear of causing pain or sickness! Being admitted into hospital brought on a feeling of relief; finally a potential end to this nightmare. Little did I realise that the diagnosis was the beginning of the next step. 

Those words from the doctor caused an overwhelming sense of dread: What if it’s cancerous? Is it operable? Could I die on the operating table? What will happen to my girls? Is this really what my life has led to?

On my own, I couldn’t even begin to process the next step. After informing my immediate circle of support, I could feel the normal anxiety creeping in. How should I combat it? How do I stop fear overcoming and overwhelming me? Unable to cope on my own, I turned on my phone. I created myself a short playlist. A set of songs that spoke faith over my situation:

  • A million little miracles
  • Prince of peace
  • The blessing

Each song was carefully selected as songs I’d sung previously and experienced the Holy Spirit in. 

Immediately, I felt a sense of peace. Not that the situation had changed but my perspective changed. 

No longer did I feel alone as I knew God was with me there in the ward. No longer did I feel fear, as I trusted God was walking with me through this dark valley.  Headphones on, playlist on repeat, I shut myself off from the world. Just me and God…and an abundance of love and kindness shared through texts, calls and visits. Friends and family that set aside their normal routines to pray, message and travel over to the hospital to encourage me.

‘Do not be anxious about anything but pray and ask God for everything, always giving thanks.’ 

This verse has been my motto since I was a teenager and has been applied to every fearful, anxious situation I’ve come across. Stupidly, casting my cares onto God has been a bit of a challenge over the years. It doesn’t come easy, releasing control. But who better to cast my cares onto than my King, my saviour who has saved me from death and destruction many times before. So I did. I gave it all to him. Trusting him to look after me, trusting him to protect the girls emotionally during this time, trusting him with my job and all the other aspects that paled into insignificance during the time. I began trusting that God had it all under his control.

With the song ‘A million little miracles’ playing on repeat, numerous little miracles occurred right there in my hospital room and during my recovery:

  • My own room so I could have extra visitors.
  • Lovely nurses who popped in to just chat and be normal.
  • Talented surgeons who communicated so clearly.
  • Free parking near the hospital for mum and dad to use.
  • The fact that neither of my parents work so could visit whenever.
  • My daughter having passed her driving test a few months before so being able to drive us around.
  • My other daughter being so mature and developing new routines to help at home.
  • Full sick pay with great support from my work.
  • Food being offered or prepared for me and my family.
  • A wonderful sister who, in solidarity, shaved herself an undercut so I wouldn’t feel alone.

A day after the operation, I was up and about, able to balance on one leg for the first time in months and move without feeling sick. Two days later, I was discharged, home and resting. Two weeks later, the staples came out and I could enjoy Christmas. I felt God’s hand in it all.

As a result of the operation, I had 9 weeks recovery. 9 weeks at home to refocus my life and reconnect with what’s important. Another blessing and good thing to come from this situation. What the devil meant for destruction, God used for good. He met me there in my brokenness. Yet again, he reset my life and set me back on track, on his pathway. 

6 months into my recovery, life is pretty much back to normal. But what remains is a sense of peace, God’s presence surrounding me, protecting me from harm and destruction.

My test became a testimony!“Even when bad things happen to the good and godly ones, the Lord will save them and not let them be defeated by what they face.”  ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬:‭19‬ ‭TPT‬‬

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